If we could go back.

Randomly, I thought of AC and NC '05.
It's April 2nd soon. Three years back, we were sitting in the waiting room of HQ, competing against other corps of the zone.

Footdrill was our first item. Average.
Long Case. Omg, I was so so so nervous. It's 200 points. If we die in this, we die forever. When we accessed the case, all went well. Kunyang (my dearest no.1) and Jinkai got the CPR casualty, I got the other with Chinhong. Everything went so smoothly. The casualty suffered from haemothorax because of some stab wound. Omg, you know that was the injury I loved during comp days? Of course I know how to diagnose and treat! Chief Judge was satisfied, we were too, but after that we realised no.4 forgot to clear the knife, argh! Haha.
TOC, first time we dealt with cervical collar. Got a shock, wore the cervical collar wrongly, ambulance loading didn't go well, everything was a cock-up in this section. Demoralised.
Short Case. I was damn shocked. There was three casualties in short case?! All weird abrasions, and one got hypertension, if I wasn't wrong. But well, the whole team thought that we sucked.

Got back to the waiting room, very demoralised. TOC and SC were failures. No.1 wasn't happy. We weren't, too.
Results. "Coming in first for Ambulance Cadet Category is... ... Xinmin Corps!"
Omfg. I was, flabbergasted. Or whatever. Tears just came down naturally. We beat HCI, we beat HCI! OMG. Got up the stage, I still thought I was dreaming. Until no.1 laughed at me and called me to stop crying.

Went on to nationals. Didn't perform, at all. 6th position. Was a great insult, and disappointment. We didn't try. That's why.

As for NC... sigh.

If we could go back,
Would we work hard for nationals?
Would NC find out what's wrong and work it out?
Would we have made the corps prouder?
Would we have made our sweat and tears more worthwhile?

I'm sure AC went through alot, even after competition. Tears was abundant, there was once we cried like we got free tears, haha. Yea, we always quarrel. We always stick together in sjab. And now although some of us went apart, I'm sure we still remember one another, and the wonderful days. Of course our trainers, and our dearest NC. We motivated each other, and without them, I'm sure we would not be where we landed at.
Without AC and NC, I wouldn't have known Wenlin so well, nor find Eeliang such a cute idiot, nor had so much fun and memories in my secondary school days. They made up all of my cadet life. Aww.

Oh, I miss them. Let's go through it again. Haha. Those mentally torturous moments and pains. They made us grow up.
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And you,
If we could go back, perhaps we shouldn't be friends. Maybe, I don't even know you, after these 3-odd years.

If I could go back, perhaps I wouldn't get myself so much responsiblities in college, and spend more time on what I really want, and what I really beed to.

If I could go back, I want to undo so many so many mistakes that I've done in my entire life, and not hurt those whom I did.

If I could go back, perhaps I shouldn't waste those tears on stupid things and issues that aren't worthy of it. I should've learn how to be stronger much much earlier, and manage my emotions.

Face the reality, we cannot go back, what's done cannot be undone, they never can. Move on, change yourself, than change the environment. It's painful to adapt but I must do it. I wasted enough time. Really. I should work hard for my goals. Prepare NC for zone FAC, settle my ITclub problems, finish my Mazarin project, get an A for my H3 maths, finish the GIS competition, and lastly get 4As for my content subjects. It's quite embarassing to say this since I'm quite lousy, but I really want to be the Top Arts Student next year when I come back to get my results! I have dreams, I have goals, I have ambitions. Yup, I want to turn these to reality. Oh well.

Lastly NC, I hope you got what I told you, have some discipline and commitment. Just endure these 3 weeks of intensive training and after that everything's over. Work hard, tell yourself you can do it!
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I lost so much in the first term of 2008. In turn I've become stronger. Fair trade? We'll see.